Road Trip
by Silverlight Elf
Summary: Well HP and gang go on a rode trip and I come along! We see many different places, and even though we're in the states, we seem to lead off to places like the Philippies... wha? Finished!
1. Intro to a beautiful Trip

Harry's big Road trip!!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter, though I love playing around with the characters in twisted ways as much as the next person!  
  
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Me: Hello My Fans!  
  
HP: Your Fans? What!  
  
Me: Yes MY fans! So we're on a rode trip today and everyone's here!  
  
All: Cheers!  
  
DM: Yep Potter wee potter and Weasel ferrety weasel! And of course me and Hermione!! And you ms;.. lovely. Narrator person! Plus... other people.  
  
Me: Draco shut up before you hurt yourself  
  
Draco: WHAT? You can't just tell me to shut up  
  
HG+RW: yes she can  
  
Me: I am the All-powerful person thingy!!  
  
DM: yeah right I dare you to make me do something insane!  
  
HP+HG+RW: Uhoh.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"While in England we decided a rode trip was in order when we got to America. We are going all the way from New York to LA and back! This is the funniest thing I have ever seen. Everyone has been getting close.. I mean not like friendly close, I mean like (raised eyebrows) close! We left on a plane for US a long time ago.  
  
We've been traveling now for a week, we're somewhere near Florida, I think Oliver took a wrong turn but no one will listen to me. We stole the bus in Alabama when we passed through there like the day before yesterday. I think we might be going the wrong way.. but like I said. nothing.  
  
And yes we did fly here from England, to visit Hermiones cousin. She is really nice with long blond straight hair. Ron and Harry have been fighting over her and Draco is just all over Hermione and I help Oliver. ehem Drive. hehe  
  
We decided to go to LA when Hermione heard Draco sing "OH SAY CAN YOU SEE! HOW BIG I REALLY AM!" it was a long story from there. But we're on the road. Harry and Ron HAD to come because of Hermione and Hermione's cousin decided to join us, her name is Taylor Granger."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
DM: Well? Lets see what you make me do! Stop explaining everything and take some action why don't ya!  
  
Me: (Makes Draco jump on a seat and rips on his own cloths)  
  
OW: (puts on Ricky Martin)  
  
DM: (Dances and shakes his bon bon! With his little red thong)  
  
HG: YOU WHERE A RED THONG!! SHAKE THAT BON BON!!  
  
TG: OH YEAH GO BABY GO!!  
  
Me: Allight enough of that! (Zaps off red thong and replaces with cloths)  
  
Girls: AWWW COME ON! IT WAS GETTING GOOD!  
  
DM: Thank god  
  
HP+RW: HAHA!!! THAT WAS SO FUNNY! (Points at Draco and laughs)  
  
RW: this is going to be a fun trip  
  
HG: speaking of trip, were are we?  
  
TG: I think somewhere in South America  
  
OW: Haha very funny I know exactly where we are! We're in New Mexico! (A sign suddenly goes by saying Georgia)  
  
OW: DAMNIT!  
  
DM: That's it! I am bored stiff! Lets do something!  
  
HG: Oh like what? Strip for you prince?  
  
Me: Yeah! That would be fun! Well. uh not really. (Sits on Oliver's lap and strokes his neck)  
  
TG: I will! (Gets on top of Draco's lap and stars wiggling around in her little leather skirt while the other boys cry)  
  
HG: GET OFF HIM! (Pulls Taylor off Draco)  
  
DM: Hey I was having fun!  
  
HG: Well. not with her!  
  
DM: Well come sit on daddy's lap then! (Pats lap)  
  
HG: Maybe I will! (Jumps on Draco and start tonguing him Violently)  
  
Me: Whoa Whoa! If there's going to be sex or tonguing it'll be the older kids! (Throws Hermione off Draco and give a devilish look at Oliver)  
  
  
  
  
  
"Hermione slaps me and I jump from my seat in the bus. I slap her back. Her and I start circling each other. as much as we can. well its in a bus you see."  
  
  
  
  
  
HG: This is silly let's stop  
  
Me: All right (sits down)  
  
DM: AHH COME ON!  
  
Me: Sorry Draco!  
  
TG: (Jumps on Ron and starts kissing him)  
  
HP: WHAO!! COME ON!! ME FIRST! I'M THE BOY WHO LIVED DOESN'T THAT COUNT!  
  
TG: (looks up from Ron's dizzy face) No not really  
  
HP: My life sux  
  
DM: Yeah it really does doesn't it  
  
HP: Shut up Draco!  
  
DM: Make me potter!  
  
HP: (Punches Draco in the face) OW MY HAND!!!  
  
DM: Haha! I have a hard head!  
  
Me: Whoa Draco, no need to go there now do we?  
  
DM: No no, the head up here (points to head atop his neck)  
  
Me: Sureee.  
  
DM: UGG!  
  
TG: Well I can't tell if you're talking about the other one (Coming off on a star speckled Ron)  
  
DM: (Looks down) What do ya mean? I'm down!  
  
HG+TG: Ahahaha!!  
  
Me: Well that's not very nice (whispers) maybe he's just small.  
  
HG+TG: (breaks out in LOUD laughter)  
  
DM: WHAT!!! I HEARD THAT YOU KNOW!! I AM NOT NOT NOT SMALL!!!  
  
HP: I don't know about that!  
  
RW: hehe this is going to be interesting!  
  
DM: Shut up Potter! You're small that I am!  
  
Me: and HOW may I ask do you know that?  
  
DM: Oh come on! You know Harry jacks off every time he see Granger, he always has his hands below his waist!  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ya know.. if ya look they're always dangling below his waist. But that's just me."  
  
  
  
  
  
HP: WHAT?! MALFOY! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??  
  
HG: (Blushing profusely)  
  
TG+OW+ME+DM: (Laughing so hard we could pee our pants)  
  
HP: I DO NOT!  
  
RW: (Backs away)  
  
OW: well whatever but I wanna go to sleep its really late, We'll talk about it tomorrow  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
As we get ready for bed Harry keeps bothering everyone that he has NEVER done anything below his waist in his life.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
DM: That's because your so small people don't want to do anything with you, they don't smoke cigarettes ya know, or they shouldn't even if they do!  
  
HP: I AM GONNA KILL YOU MALFOY!  
  
All except Harry: (Small giggles)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
We all lay down, while Harry remains awake, but I am to tired so I go to sleep, leaving Harry to his thoughts and everyone else to sleep. Hermione's still blushed when I actually do falls asleep  
  
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Well? Continue? TELL ME!!! LoL REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!! 


	2. Red dresses and Things

Road trip Part 2!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry potter, I just make fun of it. and play around with the Characters.  
  
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This morning we got up after we pulled over in a gas station that I guess didn't mind us parking there all night. Harry got up with a dead starring look from being up all last night. He glared evilly at Draco not saying a word. While everyone forgot about the whole thing, it was another day.  
  
  
  
  
  
DM: Well let's go then! I want some food!  
  
HP: Yeah, I'd like to shove it up your ass!  
  
HG: Harry! Be nice! (Rubs Draco's tummy)  
  
  
  
  
  
I get up with Wood and we get into the drivers seat, obviously am sitting on top of him. He smiles brightly and starts the Bus.  
  
  
  
  
  
OW: Hope we didn't forget anyone  
  
TG: Well I don't think so... (Looks around)  
  
DM: Who cares? Lets go!  
  
  
  
  
  
We start to pull out of the driveway when we hear screams coming from the gas station as we turn on to the highway. We are a little ways down the ramp to the free way when he hear it.  
  
  
  
  
  
RW: HEY, YOU FORGOT ME!! I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM! (Waves hands in the air)  
  
DM: Should've thought of telling us weasel. (Puts arm around Hermione and Harry puts his arm around Taylor)  
  
Me: We should go back for him.  
  
HP: Yea he's our friend  
  
DM: No he's not! He was kissing her (points to Taylor) and he didn't even share had with you!  
  
HP: Yeah... leave em. (Leaned over and licks Taylor's neck)  
  
TG: (Jumps up and screams) Get away from me! Are you some kind of Animal!!  
  
DM: No Taylor that's weasel, but he is close! (Laughs)  
  
HG: That's not very nice! (Slaps Draco)  
  
HP: WELL FORGET IT! Dumb girl!  
  
TG: I heard that! (Slaps him again)  
  
Me: All right all right, settle down everyone and sit in your seats!  
  
DM: Why do we have to listen to you?  
  
Me: (Gives Evil star at Draco)  
  
DM: (Sits down quietly and looks out the window with an annoyed expression)  
  
  
  
  
  
"After traveling a while we see a sign for Texas 90 Miles. Yes were finally going the right way, I didn't even have to tell him to turn around! Oliver is looking at the map while everyone else is sitting in different seats, mad at each other. I guess Olive drives REALLY fast when he's hungry or something... to go from Georgia to Texas in like... two hours, or maybe he dives really fast when I sit on his lap!"  
  
  
  
  
  
OW: Its your dear!  
  
  
  
  
  
"We get to a nice little restaurant and that says *Exotic Passions and Gourmet Food*. I have never been to a please like that mind you, it was all Malfoy's idea!  
  
We sit down at a bright red table near a stage of dancing girls that are naked except for little bathing suits. The people in there look very strange at us, as we look a little like kids (Even though Harry and crew are 17 and me and wood are 19). The girl starts dancing around Wood wildly, he sticks a 20$ bill in her small G-string bikini bottom.  
  
Draco waves money in the air and a waitress comes running over dressed in a Bright red leather skirt which had slits in her stomach area and down her back. She had Bright red hair as well, Must have been a wig I told myself. Draco beamed at her while Hermione gave him an evil glare."  
  
OW: Hmmmm might I say, very nice dress.  
  
Me: (Hits Oliver on the head)  
  
OW: Oh! I mean... eh.. two strawberries daiquiris!  
  
Me: and maybe two cheeseburger  
  
DM: and I'll have something in a little red dress, it looks pretty tasty (leaned in towards her but Hermione pulls him back)  
  
HG: He will have a cheeseburger and Chocolate milk! So will I please!  
  
HP: Cheeseburger and umm.. Mudslide.  
  
DM: WHY DO GET THE CHOCOLATE MILK!!!  
  
Me: because you were being bad (shakes finger)  
  
DM: (deep sigh) I hate this  
  
After we eat, Draco tells us we MUST stay for the entertainment as good guests, and also to give them a 100-dolor tip. Oliver puts out the cash for the meal AND Draco's stupid tip then we stay for the dancing girls  
  
One gets right up close to Draco after Hermione leaves for the bathroom. The dancers had on a cheetah print bath suit-like thing, and a Cheetah spiked choker. She got really close to Malfoy and ripped her top off.  
  
Me: WHAO! (Censers)  
  
Little black things appear over her breasts. Malfoy looks at me with tears. Then his expression changed to a state of blue faced anger.  
  
DM: WHAT THE!!!  
  
HP: Well, that wasn't cool!  
  
DM: Shut up potter! (Punches potter) You really hate me don't you!  
  
HG: (Sits back down at the table) Anything I miss?  
  
All: No not really.  
  
DM: (Whips tears out of eyes)  
  
HG: What's wrong sweetheart?  
  
DM: (Cries) Mumble mumble mumble..  
  
HG: What's that?  
  
DM: I tried to get a piece of Ass all right!!! You don't have any tits so it's only fair!  
  
HG: (Slaps HARD leaving a red mark across Draco's pale face)  
  
DM: Yes love I will obey only you. (bows)  
  
HG: good!  
  
TG: well, I'm very done!  
  
HP: See Draco, Taylor HAS tits, unlike her cousin, and that's why choose her.  
  
DM: Shut it potter  
  
TG: YOU CHOOSE ME WHY???  
  
Me: Because he loves you!  
  
HP: Yes Yes!  
  
  
  
  
  
We leave from the dancing placy thingy and head back on our road. Hermione keeps a good eye on Draco and I laugh every time I see her starring at him annoyingly.  
  
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Continue? Review! Tell me what you think! And give me some places around the country you would like them to stop! 


	3. Waters Fun

Road Trip Part 3  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter, I just make fun of it.  
  
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Me: Well once again, we are all in the bus awaiting our next adventure in this trip.  
  
DM: I want to go back to the strip club!  
  
Me: Tough luck! (Zaps Draco's thoughts of the strip club out of his head)  
  
DM: What? Where am I? And.. and.. who are you? And Who am I?  
  
Me: Whoops! (Zaps Draco's memories back until recently)  
  
DM: All right Road trip!  
  
HG: Erm. eh... Draco?  
  
DM: Yes Hermione?  
  
HP: (Sniker)  
  
DM: What are you laughing at Potter??  
  
HP: Nothing! (Big smile forms)  
  
DM: Hey! You should get that shit eating grin off your face Potter, people will think your really like your name. Potty!  
  
HP: Shut up Ferret!  
  
Me: Boys boys! Stop your fighting!  
  
  
  
  
  
We've been heading for some time south. Oliver says we're going through New Mexico to see the Grand Canyon. Draco and Hermione have been fighting about the whole stripper thing, until I deleted that memory. Now Harry and Taylor have been getting along quite nicely, while me and Oliver, "Drive" It's been hours since we stopped. We slept at a tuck stop then woke again drive another 24 hours, then sleeping, then driving again. Its now around 12-ish and it's a Thursday. It's a trying journey, and we have been eating chips and things we only buy from the gas stations. I become very board and start brushing my hair.  
  
  
  
  
  
Me: Say Oliver, where are we going now?  
  
OW: Well, I think we're in Arizona.  
  
  
  
  
  
We notice some kind of tropical change in the climate. It was hot, but had a breezy feeling. We see a lot of blue clear water. One hour later we're driving over a bridge that has been going on and on.  
  
  
  
  
  
OW: What the hell is up with this bridge.  
  
Me: Maybe it's just a crossing from Texas to Arizona, on some unknown river.  
  
  
  
  
  
Then we come to a beach of white crispy sand. The roads were old-seeming and we passed a sign. Welcome to the Philippines! Well, how were we supposed to know they built a 5000 mile bridge?  
  
  
  
  
  
OW: Damnit!  
  
Me: Well, its ok I guess. We can have a tropical experience.  
  
TG: Lets go to one of those dance things that the guys have no shirt one!  
  
DM: Luau? And that's a NO!  
  
Me: Well, the boys had their fun, (Staring deadly at Oliver and then at Draco) Now its our turn!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
With a deep sigh we drive to a sandy beach, then we see a tourist stand with info. We ask them about Luaus and they say that they only do it in Hawaii these days. Big sighs out of the girls and the boys just smile brightly.  
  
  
  
  
  
Me: What else?  
  
DM: Skin dipping?  
  
HP: Who wants to see your naked ass Draco?  
  
DM: The chicks of course potter, but I think skinny dipping isn't a problem for you. You dont have anything to show, so don't be embarrassed. (Laughs)  
  
  
  
HP: Draco!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
We settle down the argument and drive past the info center to a beautiful beach. Its almost sunset when we get dressed in our bathing suits and get in to water. Gawking was done at Taylor and I, nothing for Hermione.  
  
DM: Well Well, Taylor, you wanna be my skinny dipping partner and have a little fun with Little Draco? (Raises Eyebrows a couple times)  
  
TG: Besides that fact that we cant ao skinny dipping because this is a Rated R not NC-17 road trip, I wouldn't go anywhere near you naked, or "Little Draco"  
  
Me: BURN!!!  
  
DM: Shut up!  
  
  
  
  
  
We get into the water, the girls stay with Oliver and each other, and Draco and Harry go to the other side. Some Hawaiian guy walked up to us and told us he would teach us how to board. He declined him because we didn't want to learn on vaca. Draco came up and stole the board from him and paddled out into the ocean.  
  
  
  
  
  
DM: LOOK AT ME!! (Waves arms in air)  
  
  
  
  
  
Suddenly a hand came out of the water and grabbed Draco's foot, dragging him into the water. A head popped out of the water. It had Raid hair and blue eyes and a bright green tale. She had, unfortunately, no top on. Go Figure right...  
  
  
  
  
  
Me: A MERMAID!  
  
OW: A sweet Mermaid!  
  
Me: (Slap)  
  
  
  
  
  
She waved to us and went under the water. Draco came up seconds later with a blushing look on his face. He was completely naked, and she was under the water somewhere. He made moaning noises for a while and then she popped up again.  
  
Mermaid: (She sang) Wish I could be, Part of your.. WORLD!! (Split under the water.)  
  
All: Ariel?  
  
HP: Well she's not so little! Look at those..  
  
HG: (Slap)  
  
  
  
  
  
Draco came swimming to us moments later, still bright red. He looked so happy he could die. We got out of the water and tossed him a towel. Hermione hit him several times when we got back to the bus. We slept at the beach that night. I was in heaven with this tropical weather. With Oliver beside me, I fell asleep.  
  
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Well? REVIEW! Tell me where you want them to go!! 


	4. Barnyard Fun

Road Trip Part 4  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter, I just make fun of it and twist it to my own Imaginative pleasures.  
  
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Me: Now we've gotten out of the Philippines and we're heading back to the states.  
  
OW: Yeah that's my bad  
  
HP: We know  
  
Me: Be nice!  
  
DM: So, what's on the agenda?  
  
OW: Well I thought we would go somewhere nice for change, maybe Kentucky. That's were my friends cousin lives! Her name is Betty Sue.  
  
HP: Who?  
  
OW: Well, she's my friend Josh's cousin on his mothers side. She has long blonde hair and I guess she wears close to nothing cause she didn't have enough money when she was little to buy clothes when she kept growing. So everything she wears is to little to fit her. And I guess she has a big chest and a sweet body.  
  
HP+DM: WHEN DO WE GET THERE?  
  
OW: now wait, she's one of those nice farm girls. The ones who are easily seduced, so you boys play nice and don't try anything with her.  
  
DM: He won't! (Halo around head with BIG smile)  
  
HG: (Gives Draco evil look and walks to the back of the bus  
  
DM: (Halo turns to horns) hehehe!  
  
Me: How long till we get there?  
  
TG: To long I'm guessing.  
  
OW: Well about four hours  
Hey it seems impossible, but it's a fan fic, anything's possible. So anyways we drive for four hours and we get out to the middle of nowhere. There's nothing here but a house every 10 or so aches, mostly farms.  
  
We come to this little blue house on the prairie thing and a young her comes running outside screaming and waving her arms in the air. She was about 18 and she had long blond hair tied up in pig tails and a short shirt that exposed her belly, and a pair of shorts that almost exposing her hips. The guys had their tongues hanging out of their mouths. Kept for Oliver, because I hit him and he stopped gawking and parked the bus.  
DM: OO ME OUT FIRST!!! (Pushes everyone out of way)  
  
HG: Draco! (Runs after him)  
  
DM: Hello I am Draco Mayfly.. Malroy .. MALFOY, completely at your service my beautiful flower! (Bows and kisses Betty Sue's hand)  
  
HP: (Pushes Draco out of the way) Yes and I am Harry Potter, famous boy who lived!(Does same a Draco)  
Oliver and I walk up to her along with Taylor. We greet her and she introduces herself as Betty Sue. She told us that her cousin had called to tell her a week ago that we would be arriving. She said she has been waiting with her brother ever since.  
Me: Brother?  
  
HG: Where?  
  
BS: Well he's out back, he'll be home by nighttime, make yourselves at home!  
We went inside the house and she poured us a couple glasses of soft natural milk. She smiled a lot and seemed to be overly happy cause she was giggling all the time. The boys just smiled at her and blushed, pushing each other out of her line of view.  
  
Then, just as the sun went down, someone walked in the door. He was tall and had dark brown hair with soft doe blue eyes. He was gorgeous and had tan lines around him. He smiled and the girls almost sank into the floor, the boys just yawned. He was model material and wore no shirt. His skin was bronze, god like, with a six pack stomach and chest muscles that could make any girl week in the knees.  
BS: This is my brother Tom  
  
Tom: Hey, and who might you be little lady (Addressed to me)  
  
Me: Well, I'm... uh uh.. well..  
  
OW: She's the narrator, can't have her! (Shot an evil look at Tom then me)  
  
Tom: All right, don't mean to be follow'n in on some man's women, I'll back down. (He held his hands up)  
  
TG: Well, I'm free (Sexy Voice)  
  
HP: (Spits out milk) NO YOUR NOT!!  
  
TG: Yes I am! (Slaps)  
  
HG: Well! What about me!  
  
Tom: Your... all right  
  
HG: All right?! I'll have you know I.. I.. I'm...  
  
DM: My little lady! (Pulls Hermione towards him)  
  
HG: (Smack!) You keep your hands to yourself!  
  
DM: Yes ma'am (Rubs cheek)  
  
BS: (Laughs) Well ya'll are welcome to stay here the night! We have plenty of rooms! My pa will be coming though. So there will be girls in my room boys in Tom's room!  
  
Tom: All right, guys wanna follow me?  
  
DM: Why not the other way?  
  
HG: Because, you're a perv!  
  
DM: Yeah whatever!  
We all get shown to our rooms and settle down for a good nights rest. We sleep the whole night away and before the sun comes up we hear the rosters.  
DM: What the? Where is it! That damn animal woke me up!  
  
OW: Hey, where's Harry?  
Harry ended up sleep walking into Betty Sue's fathers room. He woke up totally naked in the bed with her greasy fat old farmer father. He looked 90 and as if he had different faces with all the wrinkles. I'll name the father as F, what does F also stand for?  
HP:AHH! (Jumps out of bed)  
  
F: Well sonny, that was one hell of a ride!  
  
HP: RIDE??? WHAT THE?!?!?!??!?!?!?!  
Shortly after I hear the commotion and bring the girls into the fathers room. The boys came almost immediately afterwards.  
DM: AHAHA!!!!! That's what you get Potter!!!!  
  
HP: NOT FUNNY DRACO!!!!  
  
Me: All right, well what happened  
  
F: (Get out of bed, TOTALLY NAKED) Well, I'll tell you. First I go on top of him from behind..  
  
Me: WHOA!  
  
F: *#&%^ &^#^*^ N*&(# (Censored)  
  
HP: (Holds hands to ears)  
  
F: Now I got to wait for that cream to ware off, excuse me.  
  
BS: Ah pa! Why? These were my friends!  
  
Tom: Yeah!  
  
F: Quick your yappin Betty Sue! You sound just like your mother, "Stop Sexual Harassing Young Boys!"  
AFTER THAT! We got in the car and drove VERY far away, we didn't know where we were going, but we thanked Betty and Tom and left.  
  
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Was it too much? Continue? Were do you want them to go? REVIEW PLEASE!! 


	5. Zooorific!

Road trip part 5!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter, but I love playing with them in sick twisted ways as much as the next person.  
  
Me: So we're out of there  
  
HP: (Shivering)  
  
DM: Well that was... um.. interesting.  
  
OW: Yeah  
  
Me: Well I guess off to the next place!  
  
TG: Where's that.. now wait, I am afraid to ask...  
  
Me: yeah... Oliver seems t get us into trouble a lot doesn't he  
  
OW: HEY! You're the one writing the story!  
  
Me: Oops! I forgot!  
  
DM: Yeah take us somewhere normal for once!  
  
Me: Like where?  
  
HG: Maybe... to the zoo!!  
  
HP: (Still shivering)  
  
DM: The zoo?  
  
HG: Yes, I do love the zoo!  
  
TG: Uh... yeah... erm... all right.  
  
Me: all right! To the zoo!!  
  
OW: What one?  
  
Me: What one what?  
  
OW: There's like 2000 Zoos in the US.  
  
Me: Oh yeah.. which one do you know?  
  
OW: Well, none actually.  
  
Me: Well that's good!  
  
  
  
  
  
We drive aimlessly for a while and we get somewhere near Kansas. We looked around at all the farm lands and Harry almost screams when he looks out the window. W dirve VERY far away and VERY fast. Somehow we manage to end up in Rhode Island.. don't ask...  
  
OW: Hey! Look at that! (Signs goes by saying "20 Miles to Zoo")  
  
Me: Oh Goodie!!  
  
DM: Here we go, someone is going to get eaten by a giraffe!  
  
HP: AHH!!! I HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THAT DO KID AROUND!  
  
DM: What?  
  
Me: .. er.. well I guess we'll just leave that one alone...  
  
HP: And Penguins! Them things eat people I tell you!! You think they're so cute until you try to stick your finger up ones butt and you get your head taken off! I've seen it happen!  
  
Me: Where?!  
  
HP: Well... in my head.. But that doesn't matter! No Zoo!  
  
Me: Yeah well you can wait in the car!  
  
HG: Oh boy  
  
TG: Yes Hermione, here we go again  
  
All except Harry: (Laughs)  
  
  
  
  
  
It takes about 25 minutes before we get to the zoo. The bus is silent until we reach the gates then Harry starts screaming again. We calm him down after about an hour and walk up to a ticket booth.  
  
  
  
  
  
OW: Six tickets please  
  
Ticket Person: That will be 120$ please.  
  
OW: WHAT? 120 $? What is in there? I thought there were only animals  
  
TP: Yes sir, but it is a 20$ adult charge  
  
OW: Well, their all kids  
  
Me: Hey?!  
  
OW: Well except her  
  
Others: HEY!! WHAT ABOUT US  
  
OW: ( Takes everyone's arms and leads them away) Do you want to get in or not??  
  
All: yeah...  
  
OW: Well I only have 100$ so we need to make do! (Goes back to Ticket booth)  
  
Me: I hope it works  
  
OW: 2 adults and 4 children  
  
TP: How old are they (Points at Harry Hermione Taylor and Draco)  
  
OW: 12!  
  
TP: I'm sorry they do not look 12!  
  
OW: Aw come on lady!  
  
TP: Sorry.. can't let you people in!  
  
  
  
  
  
We walk away in defeat until Draco stares at the tall fence guarding the Zoo. We looked at him like he's insane but he just smiles brighter.  
  
  
  
  
  
Me: Draco? Are you mad?  
  
DM: No love, just ambitious! Give me a hand!  
  
OW: All right Draco! (Puts hand down and Draco jumps over fence.  
  
DM: Well, it's very dirty in here!  
  
Me: What do you see?  
  
HG: Draco! Your going to get caught!  
  
DM: Nothing, just a small forest. I must be in one of the exhibits, like one in the making cause there are no animals around.  
  
Me: Oh really?  
  
DM: Yeah! (Looks around) Wait! I see something.  
  
  
  
  
  
Wolves come out from the forest trees were they were hiding. Draco gives a little whimper and we listen intently.  
  
  
  
  
  
Me: Draco? What is it?  
  
DM: Wo... wo.. WOLVES!!  
  
OW: Draco, do not move!  
  
DM: They're coming closer!  
  
OW: Don't move!  
  
DM: Their almost to me! They're showing their teeth!  
  
OW: Fine just run then  
  
DM: I WILL!! (Runs away!) AHHHH!!! THEIR BITING ME!! (Wolf growing and bark noises)  
  
Me: I told him not to go in there!  
  
  
  
  
  
We hear screams and running around for another 10 to 15 minutes. Then all goes quiet except for the barks of wolves.  
  
  
  
  
  
HP: Well he's dead!  
  
HG: That's not very nice!  
  
TG: Yeah!  
  
Me: Well, we could always ask.  
  
OW: What? Oh miss ticket person, our friend jumped into a pack of wolves over the fence, you think he is ok?  
  
Me: Good point  
  
HP: Lets just leave him  
  
DM: Haha!  
  
  
  
  
  
Draco comes out with cuts all over his body and his cloths all ripped up. Security guards were around him holding his arms.  
  
  
  
  
  
Security: Is this yours?  
  
Me: Yeah, thanks  
  
SG: Well don't go sneaking in here. You want to get in just get a ticket.  
  
Me: Yeah we'll do that.  
  
DM: Well back in the bus then (Guards leave)  
  
Me: Guess so!  
  
OW: Lets go eat!  
  
HG: Yeah ok!  
  
  
  
  
  
We go to a stupid restaurant outside the park that says Tony's. We gets a large pizza while Draco describes his adventure with the wild life.  
  
  
  
  
  
DM: I swear to god! Lucky I can do Tae Kwon Do!  
  
Me: Lucky those Security guards cared enough to come get you before you were lunch!  
  
DM: yeah... I guess..  
  
  
  
  
  
We finished eating and sleep out in the bus. This was our wonderful day, fun for us... to see Draco... well not see... but hear him get his ass kicked. Anyways we sleep for the night soundless right in front of Tony's and until our next adventure turns up, we do NOT want to go to any more Zoos. 


	6. Uncle Bob

Road trip part 6!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter.. just make fun of it!  
  
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HP: I told you the Zoo Sucks!!!  
  
Me: Nuh uh!  
  
HP: Yes Huh!!!  
  
HG: Yes huh?  
  
DM: Yeah well whatever where to next!  
  
OW: Lets stop somewhere for like the night I'm getting really tired of driving  
  
Me: Tired? Should I drive?  
  
OW: hehe.. I dis-think so..  
  
Me: Well I was only asking!  
Well ok it's like the beginning of a new day and we drive a REALLY long way, I have no idea where we are but the sun just went down! What the? Is it supposed to go down in less then two hours of it raising? Whatever.. but anyways we see a sign for TRALOR PARK USA... uhoh..  
TG: Yeah! I think my uncle lives there!!!  
  
HG: Not the one who pees on cats right?  
  
TG: Of course, got no other uncles  
  
HG: HEY? What about my dad???  
  
TG: Oh yeah!  
  
DM: Didn't you say that he hates kids?  
  
HG: Uh.. no I don't think so  
  
TG: (Gulp)  
So we travel the 15 miles to Trailer Park USA. We come through the gates and we see a whole bunch of FAT UGLY OLD PEOPLE!!  
DM: AHHHH FAT UGLY OLD GREASY SMILY OLD PEOPLE!!  
  
HP: NOOOO NOT FARMER JOE AGAIN!!!!!  
ANYWAYS, we find a trailer with the numbers 124 on them. A young looking guy comes out with a barrel around his waist. There are red suspenders holding it up. He looks greasy, like he had too much beer and cheese.  
DM: Beer and Cheese? And Why does he have to wear a barrel?  
  
Me: Cause... I don't know!  
Well he comes out and over to the bus. Oliver opens and door and Harry Screams. Hermione runs to the back with him and after a while of waiting for them we start to here bumping noises and the bus started moving dramatically.  
Me: All right, well lets go inside!  
  
OW: Yeah!  
Taylor's uncle introduces himself as Bob. He has gray eyes and black hair, and he looks sort of deranged. One of his eyes has a red vain going through it that makes it look blood red. We don't know if he means to but he is also drooling.  
Bob: Hi kids! (Yells in a very overly loud voice spiting all over Draco.)  
  
HG: (Comes out of bus) Hi Bob  
  
Bob: Hey Mione! Hey Taylor! I thought your parents would never let you guys visit after those sexual harassment charges.  
  
HG: Sexual harassment (looks at Taylor)  
  
TG: Um... so how are you Uncle Bob  
  
Me: (Whispers) So that's why they call him Bob to Sexual Harasser... .  
  
OW: (Rolls eyes) Hey bob where are we?  
  
Bob: Well we're in New Jersey of course!  
  
Me: You went the wrong way again?! (Hits Oliver)  
  
OW: Um.. oops..  
  
DM: (Runs in bus) I'm gonna see if potter is ok...  
  
Me: Oh sure!  
He invites us into his house and offers us a drink (beer) and some cookies (little round disks of Sh_t) We accept them but don't put anything in our mouths. His living area is so small he doesn't even seem to fit in it. Then a group of guys walks down the street and yells to him.  
Group of boys: Hey Bob! We got you the bananas just like you asked! Now what did you want us to do with them?  
  
Bob: Um... wrong house boys! (Sees cat walk by and pees on it)  
  
OW: (Backs Away)  
  
G O B: I don't think so!  
  
Bob: I do you little pieces of Sh_t!  
  
G O B: He's yelling again make him stop yelling (runs away crying)  
  
HG: Well... um.. its been really fun visiting you  
  
TG: Yeah so long uncle  
  
Bob: Wait aren't you going to sleep over?  
  
TG: Um..  
  
Bob: I got cake!  
  
DM: (Sticks head of out bus) CAKE? Did someone say CAKE?  
  
Bob: That's right my boy come get it!!!  
  
DM: (Runs out of car)  
  
OW: (Catches him) Um you're to fat for cake  
  
DM: To fat??? Look at her! (Points to Hermione)  
  
HG: ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT??  
  
DM: Um... no..  
  
HG: (SLAP!)  
  
DM: Owe!!!  
  
Me: And I thought you two loved each other  
  
DM: She made me say that! (Points to me)  
  
Me: I did not!  
  
HP: (Yells out of bus) Can we leave now!!!  
  
DM: But you write the story!  
  
HG: (Glares) You do put words in his mouth don't you?  
  
Me: Well um... back in the bus!  
  
Bob: Will you come back?  
  
HG: Did you sexually harass anyone?  
  
Bob: no... maybe...  
  
TG: Then nope!  
We jump in the van and drive away yet again! We sleep In it too, though now Hermione and Draco arnt really talking... I wonder why? Oh well.. that's all for now!  
  
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Hmm that was interesting! Tell me what you think 


	7. Tausha, the fan in Ohio

Road trip part 7!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, I just make fun of it. Plain and Simple!  
  
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Now I have taken the wheel away from Oliver, and we are on the road to California! Draco's trial is in like a week, so we need to get there before then, remember he has to sing! So anyways, we're on the road. Now we will be passing through Ohio and making a few quick stops! I think we heard someone out there wants to meet the famous Harry potter!  
HP: Me??  
  
Me: No I just wanted to say that.  
  
DM: Why would anyone want to meet you POTTY!  
  
HP: Well FARRET! Why would anyone want to see YOUR pasty completion sneering on their doorway?  
  
DM: Shut up potter! Or I'll give you a nose bleed!  
  
HP: You'll hurt you hand!  
  
HG: Oh please, will you shut up! You're both pathetic!  
  
DM: What!??  
  
TG: Yes you really are!  
  
DM: Fine then! As long as potter shuts up and we get to Ohio soon!  
  
Me: Yes we will.  
  
OW: (Mumble)  
  
Me: What was that?  
  
OW: What? Me? I didn't say anything. (Mumble)  
  
Me: YES YOU DID!  
  
OW: No I did not!  
  
DM: He said you have a nice ass!  
  
OW: DID NOT!  
  
Me: So you think I have an ugly ass then?  
  
OW: I did not say that!  
  
Me: Yes you did!  
  
OW: I swear I didn't!  
  
Me: Well I think you did!  
  
OW: FINE! You have a lovely ass!  
  
Me: UGH! You Pervert!! (Slaps)  
  
All: (Laughs)  
Well anyways here we are, in Ohio! Look there's the person I think! A girl just came running out of a house. She yells to the bus to stop, and I stop it. He get out one by one and walk to her.  
Girl: Hello! My name is Tausha! Are you that famous author person I love so much?!?!?!  
  
Me: (Blush) well, I don't mean to brag but.  
  
DM: She's all right.  
  
Me: Shut up Draco!  
  
Tausha: This is sooo cool! I am meeting Oliver Wood, Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger (mumbles) Some other person, and my favorite author!!  
  
HG: What did you say?  
  
Tausha: I didn't say anything!  
  
HG: yeah right...  
  
Me: Oh yes, that is Taylor Granger, Hermione's cousin  
  
Tausha: Oh ok!  
  
TG: Can we go inside?  
  
Tausha: yeah I guess  
We enter her house and it is quite charming, if I do say so myself. It is rather big, and has a swimming pool out the back. The air around us is pretty cold right now, so we cant go for a swim. Draco looks around.  
DM: Mines betta  
  
Me: Well want us to send you back home to your daddy? I bet he'd have a field da if he learned his son was being aroused by fish.  
  
DM: What are you talking about?  
  
HP: Oh you don't remember a little thing that happened with a mermaid?  
  
DM: I didn't do anything! (Hits Harry) Shut up potter!  
  
Tausha: Well, um... want to see my backyard? We have a hot tub!  
  
HG: HOT TUB?? I LOVE HOT TUBS!!!  
  
TG: all right  
  
Rest: Sure!  
We go out to her hot tub and somehow manage to appear in bathing suits. I have on my black bikini to match with Oliver's black trunks. Hermione and Taylor had Identical red full bathing suits. And Harry along with draco had bright pink brief type bathing suits.  
HP+DM: WE HAVE TO WEAR TIGHT PINK BATHINGSUITS???? WHAT?!?!?!  
  
Me: Alright all right (snaps off bathing suits and leaves nothing)  
  
TG: Draco, bubbles making you excited?  
  
DM: HEY PUT ME BACK IN SOMETHING!!!  
  
HP: What about me???!?!?!  
  
Tausha: Hahaha! Well Draco, would like to ask you some questions! Firstly, why do you like Hermione?  
  
DM: Simple, because there is no one else  
  
HG: WHAT?  
  
DM: I mean.. she's so pretty!  
  
HG: Oh not that I'm smart or anything  
  
DM: No I mean... so smart.. brilliant!  
  
HP: we all know she gave you some for you to go out with her, don't lie!  
  
HG: (Slaps) Did not!  
  
Dm: yeah remember you were ***** and then you licked my **** after you were playing with my *******  
  
Me: Censored!!  
  
HG: I I!! (runs away crying)  
  
Me: Now look what you did!!!  
Then Ron comes walking out of Tausha's patio door. He is wearing a black jacket and eating Doritos. He smiled at us and went back inside.  
Me: Hold on! (runs in the house) Ron where were you???  
  
RW: I was eating  
  
Me: EATING? All this time you couldn't have been just eating??  
  
RW: Sleeping?  
  
Tausha: well I had heard he was lost, so I found him by the road there (points down the road to a free way and gas station.)  
  
Me: Wait, we lost you down south.. in the eastern part.. how did you end up there?  
  
RW: Don't know  
  
Me: oh.. all right.. I think we best be going now!  
  
Tausha: Well it was nice meeting you!  
  
Me: Nice meeting you too!  
  
All: bye bye!!  
We jump in the car and drive away. Am still driving and we pass a couple signs for Montana. What new adventures await us. Well, its dark. So we might as well sleep in the car. We got Ron back as well! That's a good thing.  
RW: You stole my chips!  
  
Me: well... was hungry..  
  
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	8. CA

Discalimer: I don't own Harry potter, I just make fun of it!  
  
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Me: Well another great adventure, we're almost to California, I let oliver drive again..  
  
OW: Whoo hoo!  
  
DM: Oh boy  
  
HG: Draco shut up!  
  
DM: Whats wrong with you?  
  
HG: You've been annoying! Shut up!  
  
DM: yes ma'am!  
  
Me: "Cough Cough" ANYWAYS! We're about 20 minutes from California on FF.net driving time... (Looks at watch) Yep!  
  
HP: Thank god!  
  
RW: Glad to be back too (Moves over to Taylor and puts an arm around her)  
  
TG: Yeah... erm.. me too? (Pulls Rons arm off!)  
  
HP: Keep of my girl!  
  
RW: Why?  
  
RW/HP: (Run to the back of the bus and start fighting and giving each other wedgies and stuffs)  
  
Me: anyways again! This has really been a fun trip everyone!  
  
DM: What are you on drugs?... Can I have some?  
  
Me: No! But its just... I don't know... oh hell this trip sucked!  
  
HP: Sucked? It was horrible  
  
DM: haha yeah you got knocked up! But a old farmer!  
  
HP: yea well! You got pleasured by a mermaid!  
  
DM: So? At least she was a girl!!!  
  
RW: He's got a point there!  
  
Me: Oh will you two shut up!  
We drive down across the north west and finnaly into California. Everyone is silent for the most part and I think Draco fell asleep, unless he is drolling just for no reason... I'm not quite sure... but anyways we're in CA now! Yay!  
HG: Oh my god! There the building for the singing thingy!!!  
  
OW: How do you know?  
(Sees a sign that says "Building for the singing thingy")  
OW: Drat!  
  
HG: That's how  
  
Me: That's a little to obvious.. but that's all right..  
So oliver parks the car and we get out. We walk into the building and start talking to the people about getting Draco into a show.  
Person at desk: What can I do for you?  
  
DM: I'd like to preform at your concert for aspiring singers  
  
P A D: Nope sorry, it was yesterday  
  
HP: WHAT? WE CAME ALL THIS WAY FOR NOTHING???  
  
Me: Yep, guess so. Lets go home.  
  
HP: What the fuck are you talking about?? We traveled all over the US! Had som... very bad experiences! And now your telling me we've done it for nothing!!  
  
DM: Guess so  
  
HG: Don't worry Harry  
  
HP: It wont happen again?  
  
Me: Naw we'll probably go again next year  
  
HP: Ugh!  
~*END*~  
I hope you enjoyed my story! I'm sorry I had to end it!!!!! Really sorry, but I had to... for my own good perposes! Anyways Review and tell friends to read it!! Thanks! Also look for me on FP.net and also under Silver Silk on FP.net for my poetry! Thanks! Later! 


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